“For you need endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.” (Hebrews 10:36 NRSV)
I have a confession. For the past few months, I have been under heavy conviction. Most of it was a result of my morning drive to work. I have taken the same route since February, but the past few months it appears as if the morning traffic jams have been the absolute worse. My morning ritual usually consists of feeding my spirit with worship music. However, once I’m on the road it doesn’t take long for me to be taken out of that mode and become irritated and frustrated. I’m saying things that aren’t holy, blowing my horn and giving people my “why are you so stupid glare?” One morning during my road rage, I clearly heard God ask three questions:
Aren’t you still going to get there?
Why are you so frustrated?
Is your attitude making traffic move any faster?
I tried to put myself in check, but I felt my insides boiling. All I wanted to do was get to work on time and these people were in my way. Every morning, I’d find myself in this battle, until the conviction came. As I was on the verge of once again getting upset, God asks “How do you so abruptly change from worship to wrath?” OUCH!!!!!
Do I consider myself a mature believer? Yes I do, however this clearly shows that I’m still a work in progress. This was soon followed by an incident on my job that didn’t turn out quite like I’d envisioned and it left me rather salty to say the least. I had done everything I was supposed to do and then some. I had done everything right, so how could it not work out for my good? I have to admit that my attitude was completely awful and it showed to everyone. However, within a few days, a greater opportunity presented itself and conviction set in once again. I was embarrassed by the way I behaved. I just wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it and how I wanted it. My two year old self had raised her tempestuous head.
God has been dealing with me in the area of patience. Ironically, this pointed to another area that I needed to address – my faith. Am I going to believe God for what God has promised, when it looks like it’s not going to happen? Will I wait for the promise to manifest? Can I trust God for better when it looks like what was good has passed me by?
I was having dinner with a friend one night and she called me on the carpet. She had a real honest discussion with me about what she saw and how my attitude was impeding what God was trying to do in my life. Even though it can be a bitter pill to swallow, I’m grateful for a God who loves me enough to not allow me to be comfortable with my faults and friends who love me enough to pull my coat tail.
So where does this leave me? I leave home ten minutes earlier, which actually gives me more time to worship. I also hold onto the words of the Hebrew writer in the midst of uncertainty and what looks like defeat, that doing the will of God requires patience/endurance if I’m going to receive the promise….so, I wait with confidence.
Abounding in Love and Growing in Grace…..